A Blind Bet
by Robin Sparrow
Summary: A HikaHaru one shot, taking place at the end of Episode 16 during the scene in the church. Hikaru struggles with his guilt over leaving Haruhi in the storm, and puzzles over his new feelings towards her. Now translated into Polish by efronteria!


This was written for a fellow deviantArt Risembool Ranger (she goes by NaturalAcoustic on dA, and Skye Maxwell on ffnet) as a raffle prize. This was sort of an unusual pairing for me; personally, I was always a TamaHaru fan (seeing as Tamaki is my favorite character)... but I found it to be an interesting challenge to write, and I think it came out pretty well. Please note that this is written solely in the context of the anime and NOT the manga (though I did read it and loved it a looot) - it takes place where Episode 16 leaves off. That said, enjoy!

**EDIT**: This story has now been translated into Polish by **efronteria**! Stupid ffnet won't let me link, of course, but it's posted under the same title on her profile, and the story id is 7223775. (This would make 2 stories of mine that have been translated so far, the first being **The Guard**, translated into Russian by Freedom. Cool, or what? :D)

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing. All these base are belong to the wonderful Bisco Hatori.

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><p>"<em>There is no comparison between that which is lost by not succeeding and that which is lost by not trying." – Francis Bacon, Sr.<em>

As he put his arm around her, he could feel it. She was trembling.

It wasn't just a chill from being soaked to the bone, he knew. She was terrified, shaken to the core by the thunder and lightning. It was so close now it shook the stained glass windows, projecting the images of saints and angels onto the floor and walls in brief, brilliant flashes that left imprints on the inside of his eyelids. The storm, which had seemed so impossible in the face of the beautiful blue sky only a few hours ago, had grown much worse than the simple shower he'd predicted. It was no typhoon, but it was enough to make even Hikaru a bit nervous.

And he had abandoned Haruhi in it, made her face it alone because of his own selfish stupidity. Haruhi, whose greatest fear was a thunderstorm.

He should have known better.

It was only fitting, he thought, that she'd chosen a church of all places to seek refuge in. It was a place of safety… it was also a place of atonement. "Sorry," he murmured. It was hard at first, to force the unfamiliar apology through his lips, but once he started the words poured out like the rain. He wanted so much to be forgiven. "I'm sorry for running off and leaving you. And for the things I said about your friend Arai. I'm so sorry."

She leaned against him, her shivers beginning to subside with the comfort of his presence and his warmth. She closed her eyes. "Thanks, Hikaru. I forgive you."

It was simple, so simple when she said it. Just like that – _I forgive you_. As if there was nothing to really forgive in the first place. But he knew that wasn't true. None of the others would have left her like that, he was sure of it. But he had been so jealous of Arai, of the past they'd shared that he could not relate to. It had bothered him to think there was a part of her life he wasn't included in. His world was still so small; it was hard for him to imagine that anything outside of that world mattered.

But that was no excuse. If it had been Tamaki, Hikaru knew he would have done everything in his power to protect Haruhi. It seemed he'd already known about Haruhi's weakness (though just when he'd found out was still a mystery) – but even if he hadn't, he surely would have noticed all the clues Hikaru had missed. Hikaru felt like such an idiot now, remembering all the hints she'd dropped without meaning to. The way she'd looked up nervously at the clouds as they grew darker, the way she kept remarking on the weather, her eagerness to get back to the inn before the storm started… He should have known.

It seemed easy for Haruhi to forgive him, but he didn't quite feel like he deserved it yet. "I'm sorry," he said again, bowing his head. If she'd heard him through the music in his headphones, she gave no sign.

It didn't matter. He could feel that she was calmer now, and it helped to alleviate his guilt a little. At least he'd come looking for her – at least he'd found her. Although… if it wasn't for Tamaki, he would never have gone after her at all. When he looked at it like that, he hadn't really saved her. As usual, it was Tamaki who was the real knight-in-shining-armor.

But then again… he'd found her on his own, hadn't he? He'd gotten there first. He was here with her now, not Tamaki. If he looked at it like that, he'd won.

Hadn't he?

"What band is this? I've never heard them before. Are they a favorite of yours?" Haruhi asked, derailing his train of thought with little more than a murmur.

"Uh, yeah, they're great, huh?" Remembering Kaoru's warning to him earlier about being more considerate, he added quickly, "You can borrow the CD if you want."

"That's okay. I was just curious, really…"

"Look, I've got other CDs, all right? It's fine."

She bit her lip and said nothing.

He sighed, tilting his head back as he mentally kicked himself for being so blunt. "Sorry," he said again.

"I already told you, Hikaru. It's okay. I forgive you." He couldn't see her face, but he could hear a trace of a smile in her voice. He could imagine with strange clarity the way the corners of her mouth were probably tugging upward now, her eyebrows rising in surprise at his worrying over something she didn't think was a big deal.

But it was. "Why did you run after me?" he asked. "Why didn't you just go with Arai? I would have been fine without you, you know."

Haruhi moved, turning towards him so that she could look at him. The amusement was gone again, but her eyebrows were still arched as she stared at him. "I didn't think. I just didn't want you to get caught alone in the storm. I was worried."

"About me?"

"Well, yeah."

For a moment, they said nothing, merely looked at each other. Then both looked away again, their faces growing warm, neither noticing the other's discomfort. At length, he said, "Me too."

"Huh?"

"I was worried about you too. After I left… the others called. They told me you hadn't come back, that you'd run after me and nobody knew where you were." He shook his head. "I'm such an idiot. I mean, what if I hadn't been able to find you?"

"Hikaru…"

"I'm not used to worrying about anyone other than Kaoru. I didn't know I could be so scared." He ran a hand through his damp hair, his golden eyes glinting as a distant flash of lightning flickered outside the windows.

Haruhi watched him wonderingly. "I'm sorry too, Hikaru."

He blinked, frowning at her. "Sorry? For what?"

"For making you worry. And that you got so wet looking for me. You must be cold too – here." Unwrapping the cocoon he'd made for her out of a tablecloth, she moved to hand it to him. When he began to protest, she instead spread it out over both of them like a blanket; it was just large enough to cover them both. "There, that's better, isn't it?" She leaned against him again, and without thinking he put his arm back around her.

She was closer now, and warmer. Like him, she was still somewhat wet, and she smelled like the rain, and other things; not perfume, but scents he couldn't quite place. It made him think of home. Not his home, precisely, but just the feeling of the place. Something familiar, something peaceful… something unassumingly precious.

He had only ever needed Kaoru, just as Kaoru had only ever needed him. No one else had really mattered. No one else had existed in their world – and what doesn't exist can't be lost. That day, for the first time, he had found himself terrified at the thought of losing someone that was not Kaoru.

He thought again about the fact that they'd ended up in a church. It was a place of sanctuary, of atonement… and also, of confession. In his heart, he felt there was something more that needed to be said, something beyond a mere apology – something more important than just repeating "I'm sorry." Part of him wanted to tell her that he felt a warmth deeper than skin-deep when she was beside him like this, that every smile she gave him was a gift. Part of him wanted, without understanding why, to hold her like this even when they weren't cold, even when it wasn't raining. Part of him didn't want to go back to the others. And yet another part of him was truly alarmed by this.

He wondered what she would say if he told her.

_You have to tell other people how you feel, or they'll never know._ That's what Kaoru had told him, but in reality, it was much easier said than done. If only she knew him as well as Kaoru did, he wouldn't have to speak for her to know how he felt.

_Someday, somewhere, someone's going to come along who will be able to tell you two apart._

The one that was not Hikaru was Kaoru, and the one that was not Kaoru was Hikaru. And the one that was neither Hikaru nor Kaoru… was Haruhi.

"Haruhi…"

And right then, as abrupt as a jolt of lightning, his cell phone rang.

He gritted his teeth. "Figures," he muttered, and pulled it out of his pocket. "What?" he snapped.

"Hikaru! Have you found her yet? Did you find Haruhi?" Tamaki cried, his hysteria coming through to Hikaru's end of the line loud and clear.

He grimaced. He'd forgotten the others were still waiting for news. "Yeah boss, I found her. She's all right. We've been stuck in some church waiting for the storm to pass."

"You idiot, you should have called the moment you found her!" Tamaki shouted. He took a deep breath, composing himself, and continued, "Well, at least she's all right. Listen, the storm's not over yet, but it looks like it's going to let up a little for the moment. How far are you from Karuizawa?"

Hikaru thought it over, mentally picturing the layout of the streets and retracing the steps he'd taken that had led him to the church. Although he'd taken a long time to find her, in the end they were only a few blocks away from Karuizawa. "Not far. About a ten minute walk."

"Then you should take advantage of the break and come back before it starts up again. Then you can both change into dry clothes before you catch cold. We have the perfect dress picked out for Haruhi! Now hurry up!" Without waiting for a reply, he hung up.

Hikaru sighed and put his phone away. He looked up at the windows; it was still dark out, but it seemed Tamaki was right: the rain had lessened considerably, and though there was still an occasional flash of lightning, the thunder that followed it had become distant and muted.

"What's up?" asked Haruhi.

Feeling disappointed and irritable now, he pushed off the tablecloth and stood up. "Tamaki says it's going to let up for a few minutes. We should get back before it gets worse again."

Haruhi slowly got to her feet, eyeing the windows nervously. "Are you sure that's a good idea? Maybe we should just stay here until it passes." She looked into his eyes pleadingly.

Caught in her gaze, he hesitated. It was tempting, so tempting, to stay. Just a few more hours alone together, just a little more time outside of the Host Club… just one more chance to try to force out the words that had been cut short by Tamaki's call.

But there was no telling how long the storm would last; for all he knew, they might be stuck there through the night if they stayed. The worst of it might not even have passed yet. He had been selfish enough for one day; if he cared about her at all, he had to do what he could to protect her. To make it up to her.

"Nah, we'd better get going. Don't worry, we're not far from Karuizawa. We'll be there in no time."

"If you say so…" She set the tablecloth down and followed him to the door.

"Here." Reaching over, he turned up the volume of the music a little, checking to make sure the headphones covered her ears completely. He didn't have a jacket to offer her, but he gave her his vest, figuring it was better than nothing, anyway. He paused, then placed both hands on her shoulders, his eyes earnest and unusually serious as he said, "Listen, don't worry about the lightning, all right? It's pretty far away right now, and besides… I won't leave you again. I'm going to protect you this time, I promise. Even if it is only for a few minutes."

She gazed at him for a long moment. Then she reached up to lift one side of the headphones away from her ear. "Sorry, what? I didn't catch any of that."

Hikaru blinked. "Uh… nevermind." Shoving his hands in his pockets, he turned away from her and walked outside. After a moment, she followed him, making sure to stay close, though they were no longer touching.

Life was a game, complete with rules, challenges, goals, and interaction. He'd realized that relationships too, were games: depending on a mixture of choice and luck, you could make someone a friend, an enemy, a hero, or a lover – or something in-between. Though he and Kaoru had never had much interest in those games before, things had gotten much more interesting since they'd joined the Host Club. They had begun to think that maybe such games were worth playing after all.

But this time, the game required a blind bet, and he wasn't even sure what he was hoping to win. A friend? A sister? Something more? Worse, for some reason, he had the feeling the odds were against him… and neither he nor his brother had ever bothered with a game they didn't think they could win. Losing was boring, and as soon as a game bored them, they quit. That was what they had always done; it was easier that way.

"Hikaru? Is something wrong?"

He glanced at her. He could have taken her hand; he wanted to. But he didn't. He wasn't ready to bet on the cards he'd been dealt just yet. He merely shrugged, shook his head, and kept walking. He didn't look back. He turned away before he saw the worry in her eyes, or the way she'd almost reached for him, before stopping herself and following after him.

"_We probably could've played the game a little longer. But I'm not up for being disappointed. Not again." – Hikaru_


End file.
